


Rats

by Mercy_Rhyne



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Can probably be read without prior knowledge of the fandoms, Copia is baby, Copia is mostly based on the Prequelle Chapters, Don't ask me why they're together or how that works, Feels a little ooc but we're just having fun, I'm hyperfixating so, Just a dumb little fic, Remus is being an idiot, are there, here, the crossover no one asked for, they just
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Rhyne/pseuds/Mercy_Rhyne
Summary: Having found out they have something very specific in common, Remus and Cardinal Copia are hanging out together. Just two rat men sitting in a room together. Nothing wrong with that.
Relationships: Remus Sanders & Cardinal Copia
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Rats

They were sat in Remus’ room. The Cardinal had taken to the armchair resembling a throne. Obviously. He was lucky Remus rarely used it, and it was more a decorative thing. More because others expected it out of him than because he wanted it. Of course, he did _like_ the looks of it, he wasn’t saying that he didn’t. He just didn’t use it often. 

Remus, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the couch. One leg swung over the armrest, another over the backrest. His head dangled just above the floor as he eyed the Cardinal closely. Two rats were sleeping on his stomach and he absentmindedly pet them.

“So… why _do_ they call you rat man?” he asked, tapping his feet together. “I mean… there’s a mustache, sure. But other than that, you don't even look like a rat. If you ask me, a raccoon would be a better comparison. No offense, of course, Your… Dark… Unholy… Eminence. I know a lovely raccoon around these parts. He will not talk to me, but he’s nice enough.”

Cardinal Copia — what a name — shrugged. “You make one album about the plague,” he responded with a wave of his hand. “I think it’s a weird name.”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Remus hummed. “And completely inaccurate. I mean- rats weren’t even the biggest factor behind the plague in medieval Europe. Everyone knows it’s human fleas and aerosoles. If it was only rats and rat fleas, it wouldn’t have spread as quickly as it did. That’s logic, right?”

The Cardinal hummed, not too sure of this. He, for one, hadn’t known that when he wrote his album. “Exactly,” he said nevertheless as smoothly as he possibly could, not wanting to admit that he, in fact, did _not_ know that. “Common sense.”

There was a slight moment of silence as Remus looked at the other. There was some hesitance in his answer, and Remus definitely noticed. But then again, there was some hesitance in everything he did off stage. That was just how he was, apparently. He was pretty good on stage, but off stage… he seemed like a completely different person.

“I suppose ‘Rats’ is catchier than ‘Aerosoles’, though, so you can get away with it,” the side winked. “Poetic license and all that. I get it.”

Copia nodded, more than a little relieved when one of Remus’ rats that had been walking around the room made its way over to smell the leg of his pants. It gave him a reason to bend forwards and carefully pet the rat’s head with his index finger, avoiding having to give an answer. The animal froze for a second or two, but eventually warmed up to the other and let the man pet him. 

“Yeah,” he said finally, “exactly.”

Poetic license. That had been his plan all along. Definitely. He knew all about the spread of the plague in medieval Europe. He had done his homework. For sure. After all, Papa Nihil wouldn’t let him get away with delivering half work. Luckily, Nihil didn’t have all the facts either, so… that was good. Sometimes, he doubted that old Nihil even knew about the internet. 

There was another silence between the two of them. Copia continued to pet the one rat in front of him, unaware that Remus was watching him, still absentmindedly stroking the backs of the rats sleeping on his stomach. 

“What's up with the eye?” he wondered, tilting his head to the best of his ability while upside down. He never did understand the one white eye and he was curious about it. 

The Cardinal looked up at him for a second, blinking. “I…” What was he supposed to say to that? It’s not as if he knew why he had a white eye. He just did. That's how he was born. And he hadn’t exactly been the one to determine what he would look like when he was born. “I was... born that way.”

Remus huffed softly. “Right, Lady Panda.” There was a moment of silence in which no one moved, neither of them really impressed by the nickname. “Yeah, not my best work. I tried too hard to make a joke. Didn’t turn out well.”

Copia hummed in agreement as he carefully picked up the rat to place it in his lap, something it seemed to be completely content with as it nuzzled against his hand. “I thought I was a raccoon anyways?”

Remus shrugged. “Upon second thought, panda fits better,” he justified. “Because… you know…” He made a gesture to the general area around his eyes, trying to refer to the black eye make-up all around the Cardinal’s eyes that put Virgil’s makeup to shame. “I do appreciate it though. Nice reference to the bubonic plague and all.” He paused for a moment, before giving Copia a grin. “You did know about _that one,_ right?” 

He cackled at the dumbfounded look the other gave him in response. Almost as if he had asked the Cardinal about the easiest thing in existence. 

“Of course I did,” Copia said with a small shrug of his shoulders, almost as if he was offended that Remus would doubt his knowledge. What other reason could he have had to go for this kind of makeup? 

“I know, I know,” the side grinned. “I’m just messing with you, Cardi C.”

The Cardinal hummed at the nickname, ignoring the rest of the comment entirely. “I’ve seen that one online,” he mentioned, giving Remus the smallest smile in return. “Not the most original, I must say.”

Remus chuckled, giving the other a grin. Okay, maybe this deal wasn’t as bad or weird as he expected. Copia was still… a strange dude, even for Remus’ standards. But in a good way. Even though Remus still didn’t get him just yet. Hence, he was a strange dude.

It remained silent, once again. A silence in which Remus mostly just stared at the Cardinal interacting with his rat. He truly seemed more at ease with the animal than he seemed with Remus. Whether it was an issue on the side’s part or the Cardinal’s, was still to be seen. 

“Maybe it’s because of that one line,” Remus finally realised after a while of him looking at Copia in a futile attempt to figure him out once and for all. He didn’t seem like a difficult man to figure out; Remus was _good_ at that kind of stuff. But even he couldn’t get a clear image of Cardinal Copia.

Once again, the Cardinal looked up at the side with a slight frown and blinked a few times. Something that seemed to be a habit of this… figure. Whatever he was. 

“Excuse me?” he asked eventually, hesitance evident in his voice. He truly did not know what to say to this guy. He really was a weird one. And Copia had dealt with the Emeritus brothers. This guy was worse than every single one of them combined, it seemed. 

“That one- ‘Many a rat I’ve befriended’, or whatever it was. That line,” Remus elaborated, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. “Maybe that’s why they call you rat man.”

Copia hummed, not giving a proper response to the side’s theory. He considered it, but that’s about it. “And, might I ask, why do they call you rat man, then?”

As a manner of response, Remus simply looked at the Cardinal, as if he couldn’t believe that he just actually asked that question. He then gestured to himself, or… as well as he could without moving his position. “I’m trash,” he said, acting as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Copia was certain he’d never heard someone call themselves trash with the elated tone Remus had. “Obviously. And so are rats, so… rat man it is.”

He threw his hands to the side in a ‘tada’ gesture, clearly expecting an answer. However, Copia didn’t know _how_ to respond to that. So his explanation was followed by a moment of silence, in which the two of them made eye contact. A moment that dragged out far too long.

“Right,” the Cardinal finally responded. There was more silence. 

“Right.” Remus tried to break the silence, but even he couldn’t do much to break this awkward tension. That was impressive, he had to hand it to Copia. He usually had something to say in every situation, but this guy was so goddamned awkward, seemingly finding it easier to interact with the rat than with Remus. He was even worse at having a conversation than Virgil had been when he was still around. So how he could perform on stage, _actually_ captivate an audience of thousands of people… it was a mystery. He seemed like a different guy on stage. 

Yeah, maybe he was just weird.


End file.
